A whole bunch of sites have been posting their previews for the fall/winter movie season, but who really cares about that? Itâ€™s just going to be a bunch of depressing family dramas, war movies, and stuff about history. The Oscars themselves are awesome, but watching the actors try to win Oscars sure isnâ€™t. Anne Hathaway is already getting buzz for her performance as some kind of addict, but I wish sheâ€™d just give America what it wants--another Princess Bride sequel. Apparently, Mickey Rourke is playing a washed-up celebrity. Why doesnâ€™t he stick to what he knows best?
Me, Iâ€™m still basking in the glow of this past summer. I mean, how often do we get Adam Sandler and Eddie Murphy in the same summer? I saw Made of Honor three times, The Love Guru four, and College five. My favorite, though, was Wanted. The plot was a bit complicated, but the chance to see a beautiful pregnant woman slaughtering whole cities doesnâ€™t come around every day.
So rather than waste time trying to figure out what you should see these next couple months, I thought Iâ€™d look ahead to next summerâ€™s lineup, when the real action will heat up!!!
Iâ€™m happy to report that out of the 30 movies that have already been scheduled for Summer â€™09, we have at least seven sequels. And of those seven, four are up to IV or higher!! You know youâ€™ve got a good franchise when theyâ€™ve reached number 4. Strangely, though, three of those four donâ€™t even put the number in the title. How can we know that Fast & Furious is already up to number 4 if they donâ€™t tell us?
Iâ€™m also a bit confused that Christian Bale is starring in the new Terminator movie. Is this like the old monster movies, where youâ€™d have Frankenstein and the Wolfman, or Godzilla and Mothra? Otherwise, Iâ€™m not sure what Batman is going to do in Terminator Salvation. I guess weâ€™ll have to wait to find out. Speaking of pairs, I didnâ€™t even mention that both Paul Walker and Vin Diesel are returning for Fast & Furious. Thatâ€™s such an incredible combination of talent that I wouldnâ€™t be surprised if a black hole suddenly opened up on screen. Wouldnâ€™t that be awesome?! Iâ€™m already holding my breath. At least Final Destination 4 knows enough to put the number right on the marquee, and that oneâ€™s going to be in 3-D!
Of course, you canâ€™t become one of Americaâ€™s best-loved franchises overnight. You have to wow audiences with original scripts and brilliant execution. Fortunately, lightning strikes twice more often than you think. So I have high hopes that Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian will be able to top the first one. And it goes without saying that super stud Shia LaBeouf will bring even more pizzazz to Transformers II. I heard heâ€™s doing his own stunts this time.
Now those movies might be a little too intense for the little ones, so Hollywood has thoughtfully brought out a sequel for the kid set: Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs. You know, I didnâ€™t realize that mammoths and dinosaurs lived at the same time until I saw 10,000 B.C. Itâ€™s amazing that movies can be both entertaining and educational. I guess thatâ€™s why my 10th-grade history teacher showed us movies every Monday and Friday. Who said public schools donâ€™t teach?
Now, only seven sequels in a summer might seem unfortunately light. But donâ€™t worry--those clever studio bosses have come up with something called a prequel. See, itâ€™s like a sequel, but it comes before the other movies. That way you donâ€™t have to worry if your hero is going to die. You already know how it turns out!
If I were going to do an X-Men prequel, I probably wouldâ€™ve chosen the characters of Sue Storm or Donatelo, but thatâ€™s why producers get paid the big bucks. Apparently, they think Wolverine will be the more popular choice. Rather than call it something basic like X-Men 0 or X-Men Prequel, theyâ€™re going with the title of X-Men Origins. I hope that doesnâ€™t confuse anyone.
I know I was kinda confused at first when I watched The Da Vinci Code. I just donâ€™t remember learning any of that religious history in my 10th-grade class, but now Iâ€™m fully informed. Thank God for movies, eh? And next summer, weâ€™ll get a chance to learn even more about Christianity in the prequel Angels & Demons. Wouldnâ€™t it be great if churches started showing movies, too? Then you could watch something on Monday, Friday, Saturday AND Sunday!
But the biggest prequel of all might be Star Trek. Iâ€™ll be honest, Iâ€™m a little disappointed that Star Trek: Voyager wasnâ€™t the next Star Trek show to get its own movie (doesnâ€™t that cast deserve a chance to shine in a dark, empty room?), but this look at Kirk, Spock, and Bones before they became famous could be interesting, too. I realize that William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy arenâ€™t starring in this one, but I hope that the movie gives them a cool cameo. That doesnâ€™t usually happen, but maybe Hollywood will make an exception this time. With all the happiness Shatner and Nimoy have given us, they deserve an eighth fond farewell.
Speaking of farewells, I have to go. But Iâ€™ll be back next time with the rest of Summer â€™09. Until then, donâ€™t forget that The Happening finally comes out on dvd next week! Itâ€™ll be even better on the small screen.